I have had some weird jobs and worked at some crazy schools but this last year did me in! I'll be honest, it only took me the first few days at my new (first-ever-full-time-teaching) job last fall to realize that I was in the wrong place. If you have been in contact with me over the last 10 months you will remember that I was somewhat miserable: grumpy, irritable, and frustrated, but trying my best to finish out the school year on a positive note. Early on in the school year (uh... halfway through week 1), I really didn't think I was going to make it and seriously considered quitting right away. I hated the idea of quitting and really just wanted to prove (to myself!) that I could teach a full year of school and that my education, teaching certificate, and years spent filling out applications weren't a waste.
The teaching wasn't the difficult part -- that I loved -- but the rest was a bit of a mess. A few months into the year I knew I would survive until June, but Steven was begging me to pursue other employment opportunities. That poor husband of mine has suffered just as much as I have through the ups and downs of my terrible teaching jobs these past few years. I told him that I just had to finish but promised that I wouldn't sign up for another year once it was over. From that point on, I made a real effort to keep work at work and cut my hours back to my contracted hours instead of my I-just-feel-obligated-and-overwhelmed-and-how-the-heck-will-all-of-this-ever-get-done hours, because everything always gets done in the end anyway. We did finally make it to the end and last Thursday was my last day of work. I celebrated with an evening in the kitchen, feeling happy and free.
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| Strawberry Rhubarb Pie |
Overall, I count the experience as a blessing. It provided an extra income during our first year as homeowners. It introduced me to Heather, who has become a very dear friend. It made me so stressed and anxious in just the first two weeks that it sent me back to Chris's zumba classes in Enumclaw where I have found great happiness, friendship, and an even smaller waistline -- though it did nothing to diminish the size of my ridiculously wide hips ;) It also gave me the chance to speak into the lives of some very special kiddos (most of them anyway) and their families for a short period of time. And when it was all said and done, I finally came to the conclusion that I am not meant to be a classroom teacher right now. That might change, who knows, my life plans tend to change especially where jobs are concerned, we'll just have to wait and see. It was somewhat heartbreaking to let go of teaching and I still want to cry just thinking about it. I mean, come on! A teacher and a firefighter, how adorable are we?! But seriously, teaching is so much a part of my identity that the idea of removing it from my life has been rather painful. I believe I am good at it and there are many aspects of teaching that I love but it just hasn't worked out for us the way it was supposed to and I need to stop trying so hard to make it happen. I suppose I will always be a teacher, just maybe not in the traditional sense.
So, here I am. I have decided not to seek full-time employment for two reasons, 1) that schedule doesn't really work so well for us if we want to see each other (don't know how the other FF wives do it!) and 2) I really can't think of anything full-time that I'm interested in doing right now and I am definitely not just going to run out and find a job for the sake of having a job. I've had enough of that. I'm hoping to be self-employed and to focus on things that I am truly passionate about. This will include food, zumba, singing, blogging, and probably much more. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted as usual.
Hope your summer is off to a spectacular start!
Cheers,
Steph
